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This article contains MEGA SPOILERS from Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 2!

In what seemed like another setup episode — not that I have a problem with that; I could listen to Dany and Varys go back and forth forever — ended in a bloodbath. The change of pace was quick but seamless. One minute, Yara Greyjoy and Ellaria Sand were about to give me a massive boner, a split second later heads were decapitated and guts were spilled by Euron Greyjoy. It was like Apollo Creed vs Ivan Drago in Rocky IV or as pro-wrestling fans would say, a glorified squash match. Yara and her soldiers stood no chance. The Sands stood no chance.

How did we get here?

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 2 titled Stormborn kicks off where we left off previously, in the Dragonstone war chamber. Except Daenerys isn’t moving pieces on a giant chessboard, plotting to take over the Seven Kingdoms, not yet anyway. No, she’s questioning Varys’ loyalty, which brings us to the first philosophical debate of the episode.

“Incompetence should not be rewarded with blind loyalty” – Varys

When Dany questions Varys on why he betrayed her father, the Mad King and then Robert after that, Varys says his loyalty does not lie with any king or queen but to the people. And he will do what he feels is best for the people. Dany smirks. There is a look in her eyes that reads, “Good. This is why I have you by my side,” but of course she doesn’t say that out loud. Instead, she threatens to burn him alive if he betrays her. To which he replies, “I would expect nothing less from the Mother of Dragons.”

This is why Game of Thrones is so great. Even moments that can technically be considered fillers, are engrossing. For a fantasy, the interaction between Varys and Dany is a reflection of our reality. Varys is right. Leaders need to be kept in check. Leaders are there to serve the people and the realm, not the other way around. Far too often, advisors just stand around sucking their leader’s dick as they wallow in a pool of power and money. Dany is also right. How can she rule if she can’t even trust her own council?

Another great scene happens in the Dragonstone war chamber as Dany discusses her plan to dethrone Cersei, with her VIPs — Ellaria Sand, Yara Greyjoy and Olenna Tyrell. Everybody brings up great points. I side with Dany and Tyrion. It’s easy to just fly across King’s Landing and burn it to the ground. Game over. But what’s the point of ruling a city of ashes? Tyrion’s plan is solid and it will minimize the casualties. The unsullied and the Dothraki are to head to Casterly Rock and take that castle from the Lannisters, while the Tyrells, the Sands, and The Greyjoys will sail to King’s Landing and block the soldier’s food supply. A contrasting, more peaceful path to take as opposed to burning sh*t to the ground as the rest suggests. But as the oldest and most experienced of the lot, Olenna says, “peace never lasts, my dear.”

She’s right. Once upon a time, we had Genghis Khan. Later on, we had Hitler. We’re currently living in the most peaceful time in human history. Yet, more than 10 years ago, Osama bin Laden bombed the World Trade Centre. And now we have ISIS. Just like that, Westeros will probably never experience the truest form of peace. From Aegon Targaryen to Mad King Aerys Targaryen to Cersei Lannister. Perhaps it’s a natural human behaviour to constantly struggle for power and control. And I haven’t even mentioned our imminent battle against mother nature, which most people don’t even believe is real. “Climate change is not real,” say the ignoramuses. Now, doesn’t that sound familiar.

We may have a couple more decades on our side, but in Westeros, winter is here. And it ain’t f**king around. The Red Priestess Melisandre who was absent in the first episode arrives at Dragonstone and tells Dany that she (could be) the prince who was promised. Dany is happy when Missandei tells her that high Valyrian is gender neutral and so prince could be both male and female.

The ancient prophecy states that the prince who was promised is the reincarnation of a legendary hero named Azor Ahai. The prince will be reborn amidst salt and smoke and wake dragons out of stone.

Melisandre states that the other possible person is Jon Snow, who is now King in the North. There is a look of surprise and awe plastered on Tyrion’s face when he hears this. After all, the last time he met Jon, Jon was nothing but a bastard son heading to Castle Black to serve as a member of the Night’s Watch. Heck, at that point in time Tyrion was a nobody too, hated by his family members. As he once said, “all dwarfs are bastards in their father’s eyes.” Oh, how times have changed.

Back in Winterfell, Jon receives two Ravens. One from Sam, who provides him with information on Dragonglass: There is a mountain of it at Dragonstone. The other, from Dany who summons him to meet her at Dragonstone with his knees bent. In addition to Dragonglass, fire is a useful weapon against the White Walkers too. And what breathes fire? Jon knows what he has to do. He wants to travel to Dragonstone and meet the Dragon Queen herself. Jon needs her to help defeat the White Walkers. Dany needs him to help defeat Cersei.

Sansa and the rest of the lords and ladies of Winterfell disagree with Jon’s decision to meet Dany. They bring up Rickard Stark who was burned alive by a Targaryen. Fair point. But it has also become more and more apparent that Jon does not give a damn about the war for the Seven Kingdoms. He has seen the White Walkers. He recognises the REAL danger that everyone is in. It doesn’t matter who wins the war for the Seven Kingdoms if the Iron Throne is an Ice Throne. Jon passes the key to the Winterfell to Sansa and rides off to meet Dany. “Until I return, the North is yours.” Littlefinger smiles in the background. His game is just about to begin.

Sansa is surprised, a little scared even. But she accepts the task. Deep down, it’s something she’s wanted for a while now. I trust Sansa. She knows how to play the Game of Thrones better than Jon. A game that needs to be played until the White Walkers arrive. There’s no point thinking about the White Walkers if everyone with any knowledge about the White Walkers are destroyed by Cersei. The question is, will Sansa betray Jon under the influence of Littlefinger? Like I said, I trust Sansa. Some of y’all might think my trust is misplaced, understandably so. But this isn’t the naive whiny biatch that annoyed the crap out of us in Season 1. This is a new Sansa.

Back in King’s Landing, Cersei talks to her allies. She brings up somewhat valid points, though she plays on stereotypes a lot. The Dothraki culture is very different from the rest of the world. While they’re good people, a lot of them also happen to be the most chauvinistic, masochistic people in the world. Rape and violence? Just another day of the Dothraki. Also, Dany is the Mad King’s daughter. Why should anyone trust her? Cersei is one of the smartest individuals playing the Game of Thrones. She blew up innocent people to bits and still has a fair share of supporters listening to her bullsh*t. All this talk about preventing foreigners from entering the country kinda reminds you of a certain someone, doesn’t it?

Meanwhile, Cersei’s mad scientist, Qyburn has been working on a giant crossbow that could potentially kill Dany’s dragons.

This was mostly a talky episode. And then the last 10 minutes happened…

Slaughtered like pigs.

Euron Greyjoy who in the previous episode promised Cersei a gift, goes ape shit on Yara and Ellaria’s people, who were on their way to King’s Landing. Euron is a psychopath, laughing as he murders two of the Sand sisters (his men capture Ellaria and the remaining Sand sister). Yara and her people, Theon included, do their best, but they stood no chance against Euron, who destroyed Yara’s ships and burnt it to ash. Euron puts Yara in a headlock, knife against her neck and mocks Theon. Theon thinks of attacking Euron, but he shivers. He drops his sword and abandons ship. This is another reason why Game of Thrones is a masterpiece when it comes to storytelling. It’s been more than a couple of seasons since Ramsay chopped Theon’s penis off and turned him to Reek. A lot has happened since then. Ramsay rose to power, Reek helped Sansa escape and (sorta) became his former self, and Ramsay died at the hands of his own dogs. But after all this time, Theon is still haunted by his past. Sure, he ultimately chose the smartest option by not fighting Euron or both he and his sister would’ve died. But he abandoned ship out of fear, not wit. Is Reek back?

In Game of Thrones, Characters are not killed off for shock value and then forgotten as the story moves forward. Until today, characters are still haunted by the past. The drama and chaos that surrounds the Iron Throne all started when Joffrey unwisely killed Ned Stark. Cersei went from being a bitch to being pure EVIL because her children have been dropping dead since The Purple Wedding. Very early in the run, Arya creates a kill list, a list that she’s still holding on to until today. As a matter of fact, the reason why Arya is currently Westeros’ resident Batman is that most of her family members are dead. In Game of Thrones, the past is never forgotten.

Speaking of Arya, she finds out from Hot Pie that Jon Snow is still alive and is currently the King in The North. Arya is genuinely surprised. I guess she thought all her family members are dead. Upon hearing this news, Arya changes her path. Instead of heading to King’s Landing to kill the queen, she decides to go home. Except, she bumps into NYMERIA, who is now leading a pack of wolves. This is where things get interesting. Arya asks Nymeria to follow her back to the North. But in the end, Nymeria chooses to roam free with her Wolfpack rather than follow Arya home. To which Arya responds, “that’s not you.” While initially confusing, showrunners D.B. Weiss has since come out and explained what that scene means. It is a reference to something Arya herself told her father way back in Season 1 – When Ned says Arya will grow up to be a lady, Arya replies, “that’s not me.” This indicates that Nymeria, just like Arya isn’t the type to be domesticated. However, does this mark the end of Nymeria, or is there a possibility for another reunion? I’m putting my money on the latter.

Other stuff that happened:

  1. Sam attempts to cure Sir Jorrah. Will he succeed? Hopefully.
  2. Grey Worm and Missandei have a chat before making sweet love, in a beautiful moment that felt sincere and earned. Missandei’s boobs? Also beautiful.
  3. Creapo Littlefinger tells Jon Snow that he loves Sansa like how he loved her mother. Jon Snow threatens to kill Littlefinger if he ever talks to Sansa again.

Hey, you! Yes you, hot stuff. Was this episode of Game of Thrones awesome or what? Did you like it? Do you think Theon did the smart thing by abandoning ship? Leave a comment below and let me know whatchu think. And, don’t forget to share this article with your buds.
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He spends half of his time convincing anyone who would listen to watch Star Wars, and the other half trying to figure out why people consider White Chicks and Ouija to be good films.